It seems as though it has been so long since I have posted. So much has occurred since my being away, that I feel if I catch all of my old readers up with it, it may take too long. So I'd simply like to only say a few things.
It seems that many cases of anorexia manage to find some sort of relief. Those who "suffer" from it, somehow manage to "get better". But the thing that I'm sure many of you understand is that one never completely gets better. We just learn to deal with it. And that burden of dealing usually ends up sending us back into a deep hole of relapse.
I don't consider myself anorexic. I mean, a doctor would probably say I am. But whatever it is that's wrong with me, at some point I do want to end it. But right now, is just not that time. I feel like I need a fast. I need to feel what I used to feel. That's exactly what I'm going to do. And to "fix" myself after the fast, I'm going to eat healthily and end this horrible cycle of eating and not eating. I know I've said it so many times, and it's so much easier said than done, but I have a good feeling about everything this time. My boyfriend supports it again. With his support... I feel safe, I feel like I can do it and I can end it.
So I'm going to fast. My boyfriend has given me the allotted time of a month. I am allowed to treat my food intake however I like for that time, but after that he will no longer allow it. So I'm using this as a time to do my best at fasting, and after that I am returning to my healthy eating habits since after this month I am no longer allowed to fast.
Join me. Follow me. Give me your thoughts.
As much as I disagree with fasting sometimes, I agree with what you're doing. Sometimes we need to go through the cycles just one last time to completely be free of whatever it is you need to be free of. I wish you the best, really.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad to see you're back.
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Maybe the blue man that you are painting in your dream represents how you're feeling on the inside and by painting, you're finally letting it out. And maybe the painting actually represents you starting to fast. Maybe the fast movement in the background represents how you feel like you just can't seem to catch up with the world? I'm just analyzing, hah. That dream of yours sounds interesting.
ReplyDeleteWell, I deleted my last blog and started a new one about two days ago. I'm trying to eat good, but it's proving to be hard. And it sucks, because my metabolism sucks so badly now that if I dare try restricting, it would have to be hardcore or something. I still don't know what I want to do relating to my eating problems, if I want to be better or not.
I'm just glad though that you kind of have an idea about what you want to do.
Catch us up on everything that's been going on.
Thanks for your input. I'll have to go through my dream book or something and see what it all might mean.
ReplyDeleteI'll eventually post something about what's been going on in my life. There's been a lot, so I've got to sort it all out. But I'll eventually fill you all in.