I've been posting way too much.
Life is really hard. Especially when you have an eating disorder. It's even harder, when you suffer from both ends of the spectrum. You can go days without eating, and love the feeling. And then another time, you're addicted to food. You binge and binge until you're five pounds more the next day. If anyone goes through this, you'll know the feeling. You feel amazing when you don't eat, and you feel just as equally amazing when you're binging. After the binge, you're ready to curl up in a corner and die. It's a horrible horrible feeling, and I don't know what to do with myself when it happens. Sometimes I wish I lived on my own, then I wouldn't have to buy food. I wouldn't have to tempt myself with eating garbage like my family does. Even though I think it's absolutely disgusting, I eat it anyway. I've grown up eating it, it's why I was fat. I can't help it. I'm addicted to food and I wish I could change it. Humans need to stop living to eat, and we need to learn how to eat to live.
I wonder if people really understand how anorexics feel. I wonder if they really understand how obese people feel. Even though both sufferers suffer at two very opposite side of things, there's something we have in common. We have an addiction with food, something we can't control, urges to do things we wish we could just stop. Are the people who work with people who have eating disorders ever been in recovery themselves? Do they know what it's like to feel like this? Do they know what it's like to want to just give up because you feel like you're worthless for eating something as small as a bowl of cereal? Life is so depressing when food controls it. The sad part is, we're all addicted because the people who made the food MADE it addicting. It's disgusting how far people will go to make money. Our world is cold and selfish. One will do anything for money.
Tonight is not a good night. I failed my fast because of my boyfriend. What did I say? I spoke to soon and said I was successful. Well guess what, I failed. Yeah, I'm really fucking happy about that. Not.
Fml. I want to be a size zero.
Life is really hard. Especially when you have an eating disorder. It's even harder, when you suffer from both ends of the spectrum. You can go days without eating, and love the feeling. And then another time, you're addicted to food. You binge and binge until you're five pounds more the next day. If anyone goes through this, you'll know the feeling. You feel amazing when you don't eat, and you feel just as equally amazing when you're binging. After the binge, you're ready to curl up in a corner and die. It's a horrible horrible feeling, and I don't know what to do with myself when it happens. Sometimes I wish I lived on my own, then I wouldn't have to buy food. I wouldn't have to tempt myself with eating garbage like my family does. Even though I think it's absolutely disgusting, I eat it anyway. I've grown up eating it, it's why I was fat. I can't help it. I'm addicted to food and I wish I could change it. Humans need to stop living to eat, and we need to learn how to eat to live.
I wonder if people really understand how anorexics feel. I wonder if they really understand how obese people feel. Even though both sufferers suffer at two very opposite side of things, there's something we have in common. We have an addiction with food, something we can't control, urges to do things we wish we could just stop. Are the people who work with people who have eating disorders ever been in recovery themselves? Do they know what it's like to feel like this? Do they know what it's like to want to just give up because you feel like you're worthless for eating something as small as a bowl of cereal? Life is so depressing when food controls it. The sad part is, we're all addicted because the people who made the food MADE it addicting. It's disgusting how far people will go to make money. Our world is cold and selfish. One will do anything for money.
Tonight is not a good night. I failed my fast because of my boyfriend. What did I say? I spoke to soon and said I was successful. Well guess what, I failed. Yeah, I'm really fucking happy about that. Not.
Fml. I want to be a size zero.
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