So today, I finally spent the day after school with my boyfriend. It's only been three days, yet somehow it always seems like eternity if we don't see eachother daily. It's clingy, but hey, I really love being with him. Even though he slept most of the afternoon - lack of sleep the night before - he still made up for it later in the evening. :]
So like I said, I'm trying to get better, on my own. Well, I shouldn't say on my own. My boyfriend is sort of playing the role of a parent - telling me what I can and can't do. I guess in a way that's good, because if I didn't make promises to him, I wouldn't keep promises to myself. He originally planned to only let me fast twice a week, no more, in hopes that starting out slowly eliminating days would help break my habit. But after begging him for one more fast day, he agreed, but only if I fasted one day only next week. I agreed.
I fought a huge urge to binge today. Cookie dough. In the fridge. Fuck me, right? It was there, I knew it was there, I even paced the kitchen for about three minutes having a mental argument. Eventually I walked out of the kitchen and to my room, and got on here to distract myself. I am proud, and I know as soon as I get into bed, fast day two will be over and the start of three will creep up on me in the morning. Then after day three I'm done fasting until next week. I promised. I intend to keep it.
I haven't stepped on the scale. I'm sort of waiting until I'm done. Whenever I reach a certain weight that looks okay, I always end up binging. So I'm just going to stay away, assume I'm still fat, and that I need to avoid food. Hopefully that'll help my urges for food.
And as soon as I'm done fasting: STRICT protein diet. No sugar. No carbs. I am going to indulge in meat and veggies until Christmas. Hopefully by then, I'll be 110.
Maybe?
So like I said, I'm trying to get better, on my own. Well, I shouldn't say on my own. My boyfriend is sort of playing the role of a parent - telling me what I can and can't do. I guess in a way that's good, because if I didn't make promises to him, I wouldn't keep promises to myself. He originally planned to only let me fast twice a week, no more, in hopes that starting out slowly eliminating days would help break my habit. But after begging him for one more fast day, he agreed, but only if I fasted one day only next week. I agreed.
I fought a huge urge to binge today. Cookie dough. In the fridge. Fuck me, right? It was there, I knew it was there, I even paced the kitchen for about three minutes having a mental argument. Eventually I walked out of the kitchen and to my room, and got on here to distract myself. I am proud, and I know as soon as I get into bed, fast day two will be over and the start of three will creep up on me in the morning. Then after day three I'm done fasting until next week. I promised. I intend to keep it.
I haven't stepped on the scale. I'm sort of waiting until I'm done. Whenever I reach a certain weight that looks okay, I always end up binging. So I'm just going to stay away, assume I'm still fat, and that I need to avoid food. Hopefully that'll help my urges for food.
And as soon as I'm done fasting: STRICT protein diet. No sugar. No carbs. I am going to indulge in meat and veggies until Christmas. Hopefully by then, I'll be 110.
Maybe?
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