So I've returned sooner than I had led you all to believe. I guess I'm lonely. Not physically. Physically I'm always with someone, always talking to someone, always having company.

I'm lonely when it comes to "this". My eating disorder.

I humored my boyfriend. I ate for a whole week straight. I managed to keep down my weight, and was slowly losing. Today I binged. How lovely. I'm not mad at myself, I'm really just indifferent. What the fuck right? I'll end up losing it one way or another, and this is no different than any other binge day. Who cares. I feel like binging isn't even worth it anymore. Food isn't satisfying. This is probably my last time now. It's getting to the point where I've had so much that I'm just done.

My boyfriend said he wasn't going to read the blog anymore. I don't know how true that is. I mean, I can't really stop him from reading. Whether he is or isn't... well, I don't even know what I had to say about that. He had a real problem with me fasting for the length of time I had planned last time so... I'm not really sure what to do about fasting. I want to do it. I almost kind of miss it. I don't feel like myself. I guess all I can do is say fuck it and do what I want. I love him, but I'm not changing for anyone unless it's myself. That's how it's always been. Sorry baby, if you're still reading. I know you're worried, but... Baby, this is me. I know how to take care of myself. I'll be fine.

So I'm starting another fast. This one will be strict. And after it's over, it's back to spinach and tuna. I actually felt really good all week, with that being pretty much my entire menu. But I feel like I need to fast before I return to food. I must be punished for my gluttony.

Good night, lovelies.